


i'm lost but i don't know why

by lune_mar



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Chaos VS Order, Four Has an Existential Crisis, Gen, agent 4-centric, decisions (tm), female agents, or as i like to call this fic :, the agents all care a lot about each other and i think it's very cute, this is literally the theme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26995552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lune_mar/pseuds/lune_mar
Summary: It’s like a complete silence had fallen on the apartment, suddenly. Four felt ink pound in her ears. It was so weird. This was a simple Splatfest announcement, right?Then why did she get such a terrible feeling from it?“The Splatfest theme is…”Four felt a heavy weight on her chest.Chaos versus Order.'What… What does that mean?'---As the Final Fest approaches, Four has to make a decision. However, she isn't quite sure of who she should be fighting for.
Relationships: Agent 3 & Agent 4 & Agent 8 (Splatoon), Agent 3 & Agent 4 (Splatoon), Agent 3/Agent 8 (implied)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 31





	i'm lost but i don't know why

**Author's Note:**

> I LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.
> 
> A year later of not uploading, I come back with my longest one-shot yet! I hope you'll enjoy it. I've had the idea in mind for a good while. I think it's a good fic to be coming back with.
> 
> Hope you'll like it!

✩🦑 🐙✩

The tick of the nearby clock rang in the living room as Four’s eyes could barely stay open. She was lazily stretching her body on the soft couch, grimacing when feeling how stiff and sore her limbs felt. Fatigue was the only thing she could focus on, the soft buzzing of the TV she had been staring at for 20 minutes lost in her ears. The cushion under her back was almost _too_ soft, making her yearn for sleep. 

Just like every Friday, she was staying at her friends’ apartments for the night, grateful for the weekend to finally start. They switched who was the host every so often, depending on everyone’s schedules. Four especially loved these nights: they got to play games, watch dumb programs on TV and relax for the first time of the week. She treasured the time she got to spend with the other agents, Callie and Marie, and maybe Pearl and Marina occasionally if they didn’t have any gigs or shows to host that night. Today, it was only Three, Eight, and her. She was grateful for the silence, though.

She loved her jobs: Turf War was as exciting and gratifying as she hoped. She _lived_ for the adrenaline rush, the feeling of the ink pumping in her veins when securing the win for her team in the last second of the match. Even with her renowned successes, she still had some shifts over at Grizzco. Much more gruesome, but paid well. The occasional agent work covered everything else.

Running all day, constantly on adrenaline, had proven to be tiring, though. She felt like her limbs would fall off at any given minute at the end of each day, and she was so tired that she usually fell asleep right the instant her body touched any remotely soft surface.

Four let her eyes drift towards Three, who was sitting on a small table near the couch. She was completely focused on her task: polishing her (oh so-beloved) Hero Shot, face scrunching up as she looked at it from every angle, scrubbing every scrap of dirt or leftover ink hidden in the corners.

Maybe even more so since Eight started her new job, she had been taking good care of her weapon, washing and polishing it very regularly. Four couldn’t say the same. Her cherished pair of Splat Dualies sat dirty in her apartment. She wasn’t even sure where some of the ink stains came from anymore. She didn’t even want to look at the state of her Blaster Caroline either.

Three looked over her weapon once more, turning it up and around in her hands, before deciding she was satisfied with it. She carefully put in back on her wall, hung just under the bright pink octopus-shaped clock. Eight’s influence in decoration was… special, for sure. Though it was as much her apartment as Three’s, so she couldn’t argue much with it. Not that Three cared about color-coordination, nor had any sense of aesthetic at all. Four found it funny. Especially when looking at Eight’s big, bright cyan Great Zapfish plush that was almost as big as their bed, a gift from Pearl and Marina. Three’s patched-up doll of a small Zapfish, sitting next to it, almost looked pitiful in comparison.

Three threw a look at Four, eyeing with a stern look at her feet and the boots she was still wearing. Four grumbled slightly, taking them out of the couch, tiredly sitting up. A bit more dirt on the couch wouldn’t hurt… Eight and Three barely cleaned it, anyway. They only hid their trash when Marie, Pearl, or Marina were coming over.

“When is Eight coming back?” Four asked, letting out another yawn. The other inkling propped herself up on the couch’s armchair, letting her back rest against the soft fabric, before looking at her phone.

“She should be home anytime now,” she mused, before stopping when hearing the door crack slightly.

Surely enough, Eight came through the door, walking heavily, holding her key-chain covered in charms and tiny plushies she won in those claw games at the arcade. Her face had a few streaks of black on her face, which Four guessed was probably weapon oil. She looked tired, but her eyes lit up when she saw both of the agents. “I’m home,” she mumbled sleepily, letting her heavy bag drop on the floor near the door.

She walked next to the couch, slightly brushing her tentacles against Three’s mantle in greeting, before painstakingly taking off her work uniform, still stained with ink and grease.

“How was work?” Four inquired, noticing Eight looking more tired than usual, her movements seeming heavier.

She sighed slightly as she let herself drop on the couch. “It was really busy,” she answered as she got out of her boots, putting them away. “People are excited about the Splatfest. Sheldon was really happy about it.”

Four hadn’t been surprised to hear that Eight had gotten a job under Sheldon: She worked as his sole assistant, mainly helping in taking care of the weapons in the shop. She was still strained when talking to strangers, but her knowledge about weapons was almost perfect. She knew how each one functioned, and she was the only person Four knew that LIKED hearing Sheldon’s constant rambles, even going as such as joining in sometimes. Even Three, who was usually of a patient nature, usually left the shop as soon as she saw Sheldon appear.

Eight loved that job, though. Four had noticed that she was always enthusiastic when talking about it when she wasn’t tired, and it helped Eight integrate into the surface tremendously.

“Did I miss the Splatfest announcement?” asked Eight with a worried tone, but relaxed when she saw Four’s shaking head.

“No, it should start in a few minutes,” she reassured her, and Eight’s eyes lit up significantly. She sat up straighter, almost as if she had forgotten her fatigue, and stared at the TV. Three nodded, before slipping a quick: “I’m going to get the pizzas,” before sitting up and walking towards the kitchen.

Four put on the usual channel, the logo of Pearl and Marina’s news show showing on the screen. The start was imminent, and surely enough, the two idols appeared on the screen.

“Y’all know what time it is!”

“It’s Off the Hook, coming at you LIVE from Inkopolis Square!”

Same old speech as every announcement, Four figured. However…

She couldn’t exactly point out why, but as she stared at the two idols, who went on as per their usual, there was...some sort of _difference_.

“...Hey,” Four sat up straighter on the couch, Eight barely moving next to her, too focused on the TV screen. “Don’t you think… something looks weird?”

“Weird?” repeated Three, who had just come back. She put the two pizza boxes on the table, taking out a part without any pineapple before dropping back on the armchair. She took the first bite out of it, staring at the TV. She munched repeatedly as she thought over what Four had said. “… I’m not sure I know them well enough to tell,” she mumbled.

Eight’s eyebrows furrowed. “Something is bothering them,” she dropped with a worried tone, just as the machine appeared.

It’s like a complete silence had fallen on the apartment, suddenly. Four felt ink pound in her ears. It was so weird. This was a simple Splatfest announcement, right?

Then why did she get such a terrible feeling from it?

“The Splatfest theme is…”

The tick of the clock resonated in the room again.

The theme was shown on screen. Four felt a sudden, heavy weight on her chest.

_Chaos versus Order._

_What… What does that mean?_

✩🦑 . 🐙✩

Four’s loud steps echoed in the small alley, her heavy boots making more noise than she’d like. She let her back hit the wall, trying her best to look casual as she pretended to check something on her phone. _I don’t think anyone’s here. Good._

She waited for a little while, feeling the cold breeze against her mantle, making her shiver slightly, grateful to be wearing her agent suit. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it kept her warm enough. She counted a few more seconds, making sure no one was around, before putting her phone back in her pocket again.

The sun was high in the sky, confirming it was around midday. Four started walking again, beginning to hear Inkopolis Square’s buzzing noise slowly getting closer. More and more people were getting there as the morning ended, dozens of turfers constantly entering and leaving the lobby. At this hour, she’d usually join them, playing one or two turf matches, but she had better things to do today.

Everyone being busy with the shops in the Square made the alleyways the best place to go unseen. Thankfully, the grate by the lobby wasn’t easily spotted. Most people usually stayed away from the Grizzco gate, especially during these hours. Only the workers got closer to it, and it was usually around sunrise. She quickly saw the grate as she got closer, being relieved to see that, indeed, no one was around.

Hiding behind a wall, she threw a quick look around.

The Square was crowded, as usual. The recording studio was empty. The shops were busy as ever. She saw some younger inklings, in front of what she recognized as the voting booth. They seemed to be looking at it, chatting together excitedly. Four felt her throat going drier.

The Splatfest had made… quite an impact on the press. This past week, she had been seeing newspapers everywhere talking about the event. Chaos versus Order. Everywhere she went, she couldn’t escape the sight of it. Posters, papers… Every conversation seemed to be centered around it. And she was getting _sick of it_.

The night of the announcement, the evening was cut short. The agents had finished their pizzas in complete silence. Afterward, Four had tried to make some small talk, anything that could cut the awkward, heavy tension in the apartment - “Hey, I finally received that movie we talked about the other day… Wanna watch it?” - only for everyone to go to sleep about an hour later, not even finishing the movie at all. She hadn’t paid attention. She barely remembered anything she saw.

She was almost thankful for when the other two agents disappeared in their bedroom, and she finally got to rest, after yearning for sleep so much throughout the day. Yet, Four hadn’t found in her the will to fall asleep.

She had repeated the theme dozens of times in her head, the same sentence echoing in the mind endlessly, the words getting stuck in her brain. _“What kind of world do you wanna live in? A world of chaos? Or a world of order?”_

She remembered how confusing her thoughts had been when she saw Pearl and Marina both argue on TV, how her mind had thought about the question over and over, the people beside her, the entire apartment disappearing as she got lost in thought.

The first thought she got had seemed logical. _I saved Callie and brought back the Zapfish… This_ should _count as fighting for order, right?_ It had seemed like the first conclusion to have, the most logical one. She had calmed down the panic in Inkopolis when both of them reappeared, and she had eyed the Great Zapfish on the tower with pride and relief for a full month afterward. _I mean… a society needs order so it can function properly. You can’t build lasting communities when there’s only Chaos. If everyone has a role to play, you can always fit in. It’s a safety net._

The arguments she was coming up with seemed reasonable. They made sense, she couldn’t find anything wrong with it.

Yet, she wasn’t fully satisfied with it. She didn’t really know why.

She had stared at the ceiling for a while, maybe an hour or two, thinking about what both of these concepts meant to her, thought back to what Pearl and Marina had said… In the end, it only gave her a headache.

She didn’t want to think about it, she realized. Her stomach was hurting her, and a weird weight had been on her chest since she’d heard the theme.

She didn’t want to think about it, because she knew it was going to _matter_.

It wasn’t just fighting for subjective tastes, or random opinions anyone could have. This time, it was… more fundamental. It had _importance._

And the bad feeling she had gotten when she had first turned on the news channel kept growing and growing, gnawing at her brain, worry consuming her mind as she fell asleep.

Four blinked. She was still staring at the same space. She had spaced out for a while. The group of children she had seen was long gone, having disappeared in the shops or the lobby. She shook her head as if she could pry those thoughts away from her mind. _Focus, Four… You can’t make the others wait. Think about… these things after you’re done with work._

Reminding herself of her agent duties seemed to do the trick, as she felt herself refocusing on the world around her. With a glance around, making sure no one was staring, she got closer and jumped into the gate, letting herself travel towards the Tentakeel Outpost.

After a few minutes, she finally ended up near the meeting spot. She got out of her squid form, walking for a little while. They technically could access Octo Canyon directly through the gate, but the agents usually decided to meet up halfway so they could walk together. Usually, it was a great time for quick teasing or small talk and jokes before work, but today… she wasn’t sure how it would go.

She spotted Three and Eight there. The Octoling was crouched down, trying to scrape away some dry ink from her boots, eyes looking into the distance. Four wasn’t even sure Eight had heard her coming.

“Hey,” Three greeted, looking up from her phone with a nod. She wore her agent suit, as usual, the yellow tone matching Four’s. She gave Four a slight smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes like it usually did. Her pupils stared at the floor for a second, eyeing Eight, who stayed inexpressive. She waited for a second, eyes looking everywhere, seemingly hesitating. She waited for someone to say something. 

“...Let’s go,” she ended up sighing, in an almost defeated tone. This seemed to wake Eight up. She blinked, before finally throwing a look in Four’s direction. She gave a nod, her face unreadable, before sitting up and following Three.

Four felt a twinge of annoyance in her stomach. The mood hadn’t gotten better, even a full week after the announcement. It felt like their usual camaraderie was gone, replaced by growing, heavy tension.

None of the agents had talked about the Splatfest, but Four knew it was on everyone’s mind. The usually so talkative Eight had barely uttered a word since then. She stared at nothing constantly, fidgeting with her fingers. Once, when passing by Sheldon’s shop, she had found her, eyes unfocused as she looked over at Marina and Pearl’s empty recording studio in front of the shop. Four had looked away.

Four.. didn’t find it in her to make any conversation, as well. Sure, she was great at small talk when talking to anybody, but… Three and Eight were her closest friends. Faking being all enthusiastic about anything wouldn’t work, when she knew they both felt how badly the Splatfest was shaking her up. The irony was that Three, the most silent person she knew, ended up being the one to carry the discussion whenever they had met up, whether it be for work or their planned lunches together. She was _trying_ , bringing up anything that she thought the other two agents could laugh at, or even filling the void when the silence was too much to bear. If it had been something else, Four would have teased her about her inability to be social, but right now… She didn’t feel like it. She was grateful Three was trying so hard to make things easier, when… it didn’t work.

She was wondering what the other two agents were thinking. Were they, like her, thinking about the themes over and over? She figured Eight was already making a choice : seeing how often she was spacing out, she knew she was thinking it over. Would… they choose Order, or Chaos?

Logically… it wouldn’t surprise her if they chose Order. It seemed like the right thing, after all. But… she couldn’t find it in herself to ask them. She didn’t know why, but… It was bothering her.

The short walk to Tentatek Outpost was at least less awkward than usual. Four hoped that agent work would make it less weird between them three: they’d only have to communicate in the formal way they needed to. It was almost mechanical, but perhaps that was what they needed… maybe, after work, talking could be easier, and they would-

“Stop.” Three urged, suddenly. Four blinked, stopping in her steps right away. Even Eight was now looking up, focusing back into the situation.

“Do you hear that?” Three’s silent voice started up again. She was frowning, deep in concentration, as she seemed to listen to something. Four focused on the sounds around her.

She didn’t hear anything until she picked up something weird. It came from the direction of the Outpost. It sounded like voices- not unusual, she figured, Marie and Callie were there but… the way it echoed… it sounded like... arguing?

“Something’s going on,” Four mused. Eight gave a quick nod of agreement; the second afterward the three agents were sprinting towards the exit gate again, sounds getting closer and closer. Four couldn’t figure out the words, but she could hear Callie and Marie’s voices. _Why… Why do they sound like they’re fighting?_

Eight got through the gate first, then Three right afterward. Four was the last to emerge: the sounds quieted for a split second before she flew out of her ink.

“-en FINE!” was the first thing she heard, as her vision got more focused again, her body transitioning from her squid form in a hurry.

The Outpost itself seemed fine, and she saw Three and Eight next to her right away, but the commotion didn’t come from here.

Marie and Callie were facing each other, before Callie brutally picked up a paper (Four couldn’t see what it was from here), as she walked away from the cabin, her steps loud against the ground.

From here, Four saw with increasing worry that Callie looked way _angrier_ than she had ever seen her, though with the way her eyes shone, she was probably on the verge of crying. She looked upset, prompting Four’s mind with countless questions. _What happened right now?_ Marie didn’t look better herself, her crossed arms gripping the fabric of her kimono with force, gaze sharp as she frowned.

She didn’t have time - or even _wanted_ \- to ask anything of the idols: Callie was walking towards the gate to Inkopolis, right where the three agents stood. Three instantly stepped back, clearing the path to it. If Three didn’t try to ask any questions, then it was probably better not to… She looked equally as confused, which was worrying, seeing as she knew the two cousins longer than the other agents did. Four was worried as to why both of them were in that state. They seemingly had a fight about something, but… she didn’t even remember them having a single one after rescuing Callie from Octavio. This one was big...

Eight and Four imitated Three quickly, letting the angry inkling storm out of the gate. Before Callie could cross it, however, Four’s eyes caught the sight of the scrunched piece of paper she was holding in her hand, and her stomach turned again.

It was a newspaper, the title reading: “Announcement of the Chaos VS Order Splatfest: _“Play like the world depends on it!”_

In a splash of pink ink, Callie disappeared, away from Octo Canyon, and silence fell again.

✩🦑 .. 🐙✩

“Callie is choosing team Chaos?”

The Square was less busy than the other day, prompting Three to suggest that they eat at the Crust Bucket, outside, on the free tables near the truck. The inkling had been looking nervous, stressed out by the increasing number of people in the Square. She hated crowds and loud noises, always avoiding them whenever she could. Usually, they only ate at Crusty Sean’s on a quieter day, but Four kept catching the nervous gazes she gave Eight. The other agent was as worryingly quiet as ever. Three probably wanted to cheer them both up during their afternoon break, even if it was really hard for her to be there. She appreciated the gesture deeply, but she knew that what Three had just told them wouldn’t help things.

Four had repeated what the other inkling had just confirmed, incredulous. Three nodded with a grave look on her face, before looking back at the table. She had mentioned that she would talk to Marie the other day after work, so she could learn more about what happened, and Four expected something like it. She had gotten a bad feeling ever since she saw the newspapers Callie had been holding, but to hear it being confirmed was… shaking her up.

Eight was fidgeting with the straw of her drink, visibly distressed. Four didn’t know if she preferred to see her quiet and lost in her thoughts, or in that state… It wasn’t the first time Eight spaced out like this. She had already had those blank states when she was at the metro, completely ignoring the world around her as she was deep in thought, her movements almost mechanical. However, Four didn’t remember anyone talking about that lasting more than a day, let alone a week… She was really worried about her.

She missed hearing the usual enthusiastic Eight she knew… the whole situation would have been easier to bear.

“The… fight they had the other day was... about that.” continued Three, visibly searching for her words, still struggling with speaking. Four nodded, frowning: that explained how upset Marie and Callie both had looked… It was no common fight. 

Four looked up, staring at Three, whose eyes were shifting rapidly between Eight and the other inkling, checking how both would react. “Does that mean Marie is siding with Order, then?”

Three nodded again. Four couldn’t help but tense up. It didn’t surprise her, coming from Marie. She always liked when things were neat and organised. It was her thing. Order was natural for her, in a way. She was less of a free spirit than her cousin was, after all. Four liked having things done her ways, so they sometimes had small arguments. Four just … _liked_ being free to do the things she wanted, the way she wanted. She didn’t like being ordered what to do.

... _Well, that doesn’t sound very Orderly of me… well, it’s normal to not fit entirely into the definition, right?_

Four couldn’t help but tense up again, however, as she felt a wave of sadness hit her. She recalled Marie’s nostalgia-filled thoughts she had, months ago, when they had both gone to bring back the Zapfish and Callie. Marie had suffered from her cousin’s absence and had been way happier these last months when she finally got her back.

Would they be separated again?... She didn’t know how they both would cope with it.

Eight moved slightly on her chair. “...Maybe we could try to reason with her…” Her voice was hesitant, still looking fidgety. Four couldn’t help her surprise at hearing her talk, before her words set in.

_Reasoning with Callie? Does she want to convince her to join Order?_

That thought made Four stop. She looked over at Eight, who had gone back to staring at her fingers. The octoling wasn’t catching their eye, seemingly deep in thought again. _Wait, is Eight choosing?..._

The question was on the tip of her tongue, but she hesitated. None of them had talked about it beforehand. It was almost like a silent agreement that they shouldn’t cross the border. She… didn’t know what would happen if she did.

She couldn’t help but think about what that Splatfest could mean to their friendship. A small part of her mind told her it wouldn’t mean much, that they would stay the same as ever once it was over, that she was being overly worried about it. But…

Four shifted her gaze to stare at Three, this time. The inkling had been silent to Eight’s remark, but she had caught her looking over at Four. Three wouldn’t ask it, would she?... She was trying her best to keep any conflict away. She was doing her best to uplift them both.

But… they couldn’t just… ignore it, right?

Four… wanted to know. Wanted to know what they thought. They couldn’t hide it forever.

“Eight…” She started. Three looked up. Four averted her gaze. “...You’ll be joining Order, won’t you?”

Eight was silent for a while. There was a pause, until she looked up, staring back at her. Her eyes glinted in a way Four couldn’t decipher. Her gaze was penetrating, like she was scanning her, seeing something in her she couldn’t see, knew something she didn’t.

“... Of course I will.” Eight answered, her eyes unblinking. Four almost wanted to break the stare. Her gray eyes felt like they were scorching. “Order is... the right thing.” She continued matter-of-factly.

Four’s breath got stuck in her throat for a short second. She had expected it, but… hearing it from her felt… weird. 

It didn’t feel weird just because Eight had made a choice so soon. If there was one thing she was sure of, is that Eight was always determined in pursuing what she felt was right, or what she believed in. If she wasn’t so determined about things, she wouldn’t have escaped the metro, after all. She had a confidence about her decisions that Four almost envied, in a way. It made her quite stubborn sometimes, but Eight always fought for what she wanted.

Eight continued again. “Order is what’s necessary for a group to function. Everything is already set for you. You can be given a role to fulfill… everyone has their place, somehow. It’s how things should work.” It was the most she had spoken in a full week. Her face was entirely serious. She believed everything she said.

Four listened, and recognized in what she was saying arguments she had told herself, too. And it made sense with Eight’s background. After all, she was an ex-soldier in a deeply militarized society…

Yet, she couldn’t help but… feel like these weren’t exactly correct. _Sure, Order works if everyone fits in the mold, but… not everyone can conform. What happens to these people? Do they get thrown to the side? Order… is always biased. It’s our society, our Order who trapped the Octarians underground. Sure, they made their mistakes, but… It was years ago. Eight, and the other octolings… they had nothing to do with it. If Eight hadn’t broken her society’s Order by running away, she wouldn’t have been able to be free to do whatever she wanted in Inkopolis…_

Eight’s arguments felt… wrong.

She felt Eight staring at her from across the table. She hadn’t stopped looking at her ever since she asked her question. It was like she was seeing through her thoughts, spying on what she was thinking, knew that she was arguing against her in her mind. It made Four feel fidgety. Four couldn’t see Three, but she could distinctly hear her feet repeatedly hitting the floor because of nervosity.

“Four-” Her name in Eight’s voice made her shiver, but before she could say anything else, Crusty Sean walked up next to them.

“2 Crusty Seanwich and a Deep-Fried Schwaffle coming up!” he chanted, putting all three dishes on the table in front of them, before going back to his truck, oblivious to what was going on, singing some tune Four couldn’t place.

The arrival of their food completely stopped any conversation Eight might’ve wanted to start. Three didn’t try to fill in the blank, this time. Four barely had any appetite. She felt itchy. The way her thoughts had turned around made her confused, but… it was as if it started to make more sense to her. But… She was having doubts, now.

Was Order really the right thing?

Her thoughts were swirling in her mind, and she started to feel restless. She needed to sort it out, but she couldn’t yet… She grabbed her Schwaffle with barely any enthusiasm, she hardly felt the sugar on her tongue. She was thinking too much…

Eight was the one who left first. She slipped in a quick “I need to get back to the shop,” before she grabbed her bag and left. She was gone in a few minutes only, her plate left finished on the table. Four refused to look at her walk away and ignored Three’s gaze on her as she finished her food. If she looked up, she knew she’d only stare at a pool of barely disguised concern and worry. She didn’t want to be here anymore. She wanted to go home. 

“Four-” Three tried to slip in, but she got up instantly, averting her gaze.

“I’ll see you soon,” Four said quickly. She walked away, not looking back. Each step she took made her body feel lighter yet heavier at the same time. She felt Three’s gaze on her back as she got closer to the train station.

Three was left alone on the Square.

✩🦑 ... 🐙✩

Thunder had suddenly echoed through the whole city as soon as Four got home. The rain was now pounding on her windows, but she could barely hear it. She had her face buried in the pillow, her body shaking slightly under the covers. Everything felt cold, but she barely noticed it as she thought the same thoughts over and over.

_Marie and Eight are choosing to side with Team Order… It… doesn’t feel right for me. Order doesn’t feel right. It’s… too flawed. Too restrictive. It… wouldn’t work for me. Maybe Pearl was right… Order would bore us, wouldn’t it? It… would be the same things over and over, because going out and discovering new things could break the order in place… Renewing things, being free to do what you want… It sounds more like something I want to do. I… don’t want anybody restricting me anywhere._

_Yet… It feels like… My friends are all starting to choose Order. The only one left is Three, but… I.. I don’t think she’d choose Chaos. She fought for Order for so long… I don’t like Order. I do not want to fight for it, but… I do not want to lose my friends, either. I heard some people call that fest the Final Fest. Is… it really the end?..._

She didn’t want to think of it as being the end. She… just wanted to go back to normal. She wanted her friends back. She didn’t want to worry about what would happen if it turned out badly. She didn’t want to risk losing any of her friends forever...

That last thought made Four choke back a whine. She wrapped the covers around her tighter, burying her face in her pillow. She took it back: she didn’t want to think about it at all. It was all too confusing and the weight in her chest got worse each time she thought about the Splatfest. Didn’t she have housework to do? Had anything to clean? Anything would do... She lifted her head, eyeing around her apartment. It… was really messy. She hadn’t cleaned since last week… Her thoughts were so centered around everything else that she barely had taken in the appearance of her home. If Marie was there, she’d probably say that she took back everything she said before and that Three was the cleanest agent out there. 

_Marie..._

_Oh no,_ Four frowned. She shook her head, trying to not fall into the spiraling thoughts in her mind again. _Stop thinking and just get up and do something, coddamnit._

She got out of bed painfully, having to leave the warm covers behind her. The rain was still pounding on the window, she noticed. The storm was getting calmer, but anyone outside would probably be drenched. She suppressed a shiver. While rainwater wasn’t as harmful as seawater was to their bodies, it was never comfortable to wear wet clothing all day…

She was going to leave her bedroom when she noticed her weapon closet was slightly open. She took some steps to close the door back, before noticing her Grim Range Blaster leaning against it. 

“Oh, Caroline... Not looking so great, are you?” she sighed to herself, before sitting on the floor, picking up the weapon to inspect it.

Her thought from the other day ended up being correct: the poor Blaster was incredibly dirty. You could barely see the green flames markings as ink stains, coming in many colors, mattered its cover. She spotted one or two new scratches she hadn’t seen, both on the barrel. It wasn’t badly damaged in any way, but it did make her a bit sad to see her favorite Blaster like this.

“I should probably clean you up… and the other ones too…”

She kept talking to herself as she got up to search for a napkin and some weapon maintenance kit, but sudden knocks on the door stopped her in her tracks.

_Someone’s here? I wasn’t expecting anyone, though… I don’t think I want to see anyone either…_

She wanted to be alone, but… she couldn’t just leave whoever was at the door like that… Four took some steps towards it, and after a second of hesitation opened it slightly.

She couldn’t help but be surprised when she saw Three, standing there, _absolutely drenched._

“Can I... come in?” she croaked, before sneezing, hiding her face in her arm as she did. Water was running down her body, making a puddle under her feet, and she was visibly shaking in her thin shirt. It didn’t seem like she had swapped clothing since this afternoon. _Why did she come all the way here? It’s storming outside! She could’ve called me!_

“Of course you can!” said Four, incredulous, grabbing Three’s hand and bringing her inside. “Don’t stay under the rain like that!”

Three shook her head, waving her hand as she tried to calm down Four’s worry. The other inkling was already running to her bathroom, trying to move around without knocking around all the things laying on the floor -wait, was her apartment _that_ dirty??

“Grab these, you’re all wet!” She threw two towels at the other agent, who caught them mid-air, nodding in gratitude as she dried up her mantle. Four came back to the living room, eyeing her friend with concern. Seeing as she wore the same clothing as before, she assumed she didn’t get back home. It was getting late already… Why did she come here? Usually, she wasn’t one to visit her friends’ apartments either…

As she tried her best to dry herself, Four noticed that Three was looking around, eyeing a bit longer all the trash on the floor, along with the overall messiness of the apartment. She saw her frown, and Four felt a bit sheepish. “Ah, uh… don’t mind the trash, I wasn’t expecting visitors.” Three shook off her head again, brushing off the subject.

Four wanted to ask what she was doing here, but her throat got drier. She… hadn’t been nice to the other agent, had she? She had left her all alone in the Square, not even staying to make sure she was alright… Thinking about it brought her mind back to this afternoon, and she felt the weight in her chest come back. Come on, just as she thought she could forget about it for a while…

“Were you… Uhm…” Three suddenly talking again caught her by surprise, and she looked over at her. The other agent was mostly dry, though her clothes stayed drenched. She had put the two towels in a little pile but was now eyeing Four’s weapons on the floor. She had moved them here while she was searching for things to clean them up with. “You were planning on cleaning those… right?” She hesitated, words coming out of her mouth slowly again.

Four looked over at the weapons again, before nodding. “Oh? Well, uh... Yeah. It’s… been a while since I last took care of them.”

Three nodded, deep in thought, before crouching down, eyeing the weapons. She slightly scraped up some ink stain off her dualies - Four had taken most of her weapons out, and they were also in dire need of a cleanup. She was probably realizing the real amount of dirt that was on these things. “I thought you were… cleaner than me,” she remarked with a mocking smile, making a breathy laugh at Four’s pout.

“I just- I didn’t have time to clean up recently,” she protested, before forcefully grabbing a napkin and some ink cleaning product, scraping off the barrel of her Blaster. She didn’t let Three in her house to mock her on how messy everything looked! She had a reputation to hold.

Three seemed amused by her reaction, before bringing the dualies back to her, taking up another napkin. “Let me help.” She said matter-of-factly before Four could even try to protest. She got absorbed in the weapon, gently cleaning it up, like she casually would back at her apartment.

“That’s…” She started again, holding one of the dualies in her hand. “Apollo and… Athena, right?...”

Four’s head shot up from her work, not suppressing a smile. “You remembered the names!” She sang happily, pointing the dualie the agent was holding. “This one’s Athena.”

Three nodded again, smiling slightly. “I try my best to.” She got back to cleaning, starting to hum a quiet tune that Four recognized as one of Chirpy Chips’ songs.

Four let her thoughts float away as she eyed the other agent, multiple questions growing in her mind. Surely, Three hadn’t just come here to look at Four’s house and help her in cleaning weapons… Well, she could have, but not really after what happened earlier that afternoon, and not under such a pouring rain either… Three came here for another reason, surely.

Yet… Three avoiding to bring up the obvious question probably was for a reason. And… She was glad, in a way. She had missed moments like that, just quiet, casual hang out. Doing something else helped forget everything that was going on at the moment.

She was happy. It was a great breather, even if she knew something was coming up right after this. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy Three’s company, listening to her humming and the squeak of weapon polish.

Maybe half an hour later, their joint cleaning was almost entirely finished. Turns out, it was way quicker when two people got to clean everything at the same time. Three was a bit more diligent and precise in her cleaning, but Four didn’t care much about all the details : it would get dirty again in no time, so it wasn’t much use to make it perfect, right? She happily looked over at the shining pile of weapons, satisfied at seeing their true colors back on again.

“Thank you for helping me,” she said warmly to Three, who had gotten up to look at their work. She nodded, brushing off her thanks with a wave of the hand. “If you want any drinks, help yourself!’ Four called, before picking up her weapons (woah, those are _heavy-_ ) as she walked back to her room. “I’ll be putting those back in the closet!”

Trying her best not to trip on anything, she got back to her bedroom, struggling to open the door while holding all of her stuff. She probably should’ve divided everything into small groups, but she was lazy and determined in making dumb decisions. She thankfully ended up at her closet safely, noticing with joy that the rain outside had stopped, a few sun rays peeking out of the dark clouds. _Three won’t get drenched again when she goes back home… That’s a relief._

Three only took a glass of water for herself, leaving another one for Four next to it. She gave the other agent a quick, appreciative nod before finishing the whole glass in one swoop. She was growing a bit more fidgety, however. Three’s grave look on her face as she looked away reminded her that they still had something to talk about.

“...I doubt you came here only to help me clean up my weapons, yeah?” Four finally broke the silence, eyeing the other agent. Her expression shifted : Three looked back at her, and the other agent thought she saw a glint of sadness in her eyes.

“...You’re right.” She sighed again. Three looked at Four for a few seconds, before looking at the whole apartment, staring at each corner, like she wanted to keep them in mind for longer. Four waited for her to continue. She couldn’t help but let her finger tap against the kitchen counter, nervous.

Three took another pause, before she finally looked back at her for the final time. She stared at her as she finally spoke. “I will be choosing Order for this Splatfest.” Unlike her other sentences, this one was clear, direct. She held no hesitation.

It almost physically hurt to hear. Four had to grip the counter tighter so she wouldn’t tumble. _First Marie, then Eight, and now Three…_ Her whole mouth felt bitter, and it grew even more difficult to return Three’s stare. _I expected it but… it hurts to hear it even more._

Three eyed her reaction for a few seconds, and Four saw her expression turn to concern for an instant. Her hands gripped her glass of water tighter. “...Maintaining peace in Inkopolis is… what I’m made to do. What I chose to do. Chaos is… it isn’t safe for people. Freeing, sure… but you can’t guarantee safety.” She took a little break, breathing for longer. She had never been great for long speeches or sentences. “I want to protect the people around me. As an agent, it is… my duty. Choosing Order would help me do it.”

Four saw the other agent’s shoulders sag, almost as if getting the words out had lifted a weight off her shoulders. Four wasn’t looking at her anymore.

_I expected her to choose Order, too… It’s what makes the most sense for her. But... all of my friends are going away now. What should I do?... I… want to stay with them, but…_

Her thoughts were stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head, only to see that Three was looking at her with an attentive gaze. 

“... You don’t want to join Order, do you?”

Four blinked with surprise. _How did she…_ Actually, it didn’t seem far off. Three was probably the one who knew all of them best. She always felt it when something was wrong. And she hadn’t been hiding her emotions well during the afternoon…

 _I don’t know what to do,_ she whined, feeling her hearts get heavier. _I just want everything to be okay again. I don’t want to lose any of you._

“Listen to me, Four.” Three’s voice echoed near her, and she looked up her way, again. Her eyes looked softer, now.

“...I don’t want you to fight for something… that isn’t right for you. We… might end up on opposite sides, but... you’ll… you’ll never be my foe.” Three’s hold on her shoulder got tighter, just as Four’s breaths got shorter and shorter as she listened to the other agent. Suddenly, Three gave her a slight smile, but with more warmth than she had ever seen from her. “No matter what happens… I will fight to protect you, too.”

Four blinked, and blinked again, as she felt emotions build up in her throat. She… didn’t know what to say. Three wasn’t one to share her feelings. For her to tell something so personal to herself… It meant a _lot_ , and Four knew it.

 _Fighting for something… that’s right for me._ Her mind repeated it over and over again. 

When she saw Four being unresponsive and lost in thought, Three took her hand back, the grip on Four’s shoulder fading away quickly. She kept her smile a few seconds longer, before her eyes caught the sight of the window, showing the sun slowly fading away in the horizon. The night would come soon.

“... I think I should go.” Three said, with finality. They both knew she had said all that she needed to. Four nodded slightly in agreement. It felt like that if she moved too much, her whole body would explode.

She took a few steps towards the door, opening it slightly. The sun rays entered the apartment, almost blinding Four, who was crossing her arms, gripping her body like she had to keep herself from collapsing. Three looked at her one last time. “See you, Four.”

In a blink, she was gone, and Four was alone, by herself, once again.

✩🦑 .... 🐙✩

The day of the Final Fest came out way too soon for Four.

It was impossible to forget about it, by now. The whole Square had slowly been covered in stickers, banners were flying in the wind, gold and silver adorning the city everywhere. It was like all of Inkopolis itself was getting divided. People had already started wearing the Splatfest shirts days before it even started, and more and more of them wore those helmets or glasses she had been seeing promoted. It was almost overwhelming. Four avoided it the best she could.

Most people had chosen their teams by now. Marie had asked her about it a few days ago. She had brushed it off by saying she was too lazy to go to the voting booth. It was an ugly lie. She was just too much of a coward to choose her team for good.

She had thought about not taking part in it. She didn’t have to choose if she didn’t play at all, right? It… would have been easier. But… Fleeing was the only problem, in the end, wasn’t it? And, in a way, it felt… necessary. Everyone knew this Splatfest would mean a lot. She had read that this Fest had the biggest amount of participants since the latest record, 2 years ago. This one was too important for her to miss.

She knew one thing : she didn’t want to fight for Order. She had thought about what Three had told her almost every day. _I should be fighting for something that I believe in._ Order never rang true to her, she knew it, but… A part of her told her she should be fighting with her friends, too. She didn’t believe in Order, but she believed in them, she truly did… She didn’t know what to do, even then…

But she’ll have to decide soon, because the Fest was planned to start in barely an hour.

She was walking in the small alleyways again, her ink pounding in her ears. The stickers were here again, plastered on the walls. They were all shining in their respective colors, showing off support, drawings or direct attacks to the other team. She noticed they were getting more and more numbered by the time she got closer to the Square. The whole world seemed like it was changing. Clouds were getting closer to the tower, in the sky. The music got louder, and she was beginning to hear a growing cacophony.

In a few minutes, she was in the crowd.

It felt like the whole of Inkopolis was there. The crowd was _gigantic_ : It was a tide of gold and silver, of iron and ivory, ever-growing and _loud_ . She thought she would be getting lost in a second between all of these people. _This- This is way too much._ She walked away, in the further end of the Square, even behind Crusty Sean’s truck. Even then, there were many groups talking between each other, ink matching. Four almost felt claustrophobic. Chaos, Order, _Chaos_ , _Order_ , **_Chaos_ ** _,_ **_Order_ ** **-**

She was almost short of breath when she finally found a corner, hidden from most, where she let herself fall down, her back steady against the wall. It was too much, way too much… People everywhere… Tension you could cut with a knife… It felt like the air itself would be set ablaze, sparks growing everywhere by the minute. She checked a nearby clock. Twenty minutes left until the start. _Twenty? Did- did i just spend 15 minutes here already?_

She didn’t know where to look. Her whole mind was racing, her body felt sick, almost nauseous. Everything felt so confusing, and she… she was so _scared_.

Scared, because the more she looked, the more it felt like it was the beginning of an _ending_. She had never seen so many people, such an intensity before a Splatfest before. It felt like the crowd moved constantly : yet, the more she looked, the more she realized that the whole crowd was slowly getting divided.

Silver-inked inklings and octolings were starting to regroup on a side of the square, all chatting with each other, many wearing those same glasses and helmets. Four thought one wearing this weird… _eye_ thing looked over to her for a second, symbols sliding on the screen. She couldn’t even see the person’s face behind it. She felt her whole body shiver.

The other side was much more vehement. It was mostly younger people, she realized : their golden ink was shining, most of them being so excited they could barely stay still. They were talking loudly, cheering, some even looking at the other group with aggressive looks on their faces. It was less cohesive, more like waves.

Four realized it was almost like preparing a battle, even more so than she had ever seen. 

Who was she going to fight for?

Her hearts were rushing in her chest. _Who do I want to fight for?_

She eyed the whole crowd, before she suddenly caught sight of a smaller group on the left. She recognized them instantly : She saw Marie, wearing her civilian clothing, talking to an octoling next to her, who she recognized quickly as being Eight. The Octoling was wearing those gray glasses. They had both chosen their team already. She saw, with a pang in her heart, dear old Cap’n Cuttlefish next to them. She couldn’t clearly see his ink from here, but… Even if he wouldn’t join in the fight, the camp he chose was still clear. 

Even without her signature cyan ink, she still recognized Three next to them : she was watching the crowd, scanning it with a frown, her hands fiddling with her Hero Shot.

 _She’s looking for me,_ Four realized. Her throat felt drier.

Everything was so confusing. Everything was too much. She… couldn’t picture herself alone like this. Would she really be okay? She… wasn’t courageous enough to stand for her ideas in such a mess. She wanted to be with her friends. She was _terrified_.

_Should I choose Order, then?..._

_It still feels wrong, but…_

Her eyes scanned the crowd, then the clock. Ten minutes left. She eyed the growing mass. They were getting closer to the lobby. She thought she saw Pearl and Marina up on the platform already.

Yet, her eyes saw something else in the corner. Golden-tipped black tentacles she recognized instantly. _Callie_.

The idol was still wearing her sunglasses, probably why most didn’t recognize her. Barely anyone was focused on the singular people outside, either way, but… She looked so nervous. She was all alone in that corner, eyeing the crowd, her foot tapping against the ground.

She… had honestly forgotten to check up on the idol, she realized. She was the only one of the Squidbeak Splatoon who chose Chaos right away.

Her grandfather, her cousins, her friends… they all chose Order. She… probably thought she would be fighting all alone, too.

Was she as terrified as she was? Or… even more scared, even. She may have thought Four would be choosing Order, too…

It… wasn't the first time she'd end up alone either, was it? She had been alone when she had been brainwashed, too… Everything would just repeat itself.

If they were all separated because of this, she'd be alone on one side again.

_I… do not want that. I don't want Callie to feel lonely and on her own again... I don't want something to happen to her._

Sure, she knew how to fight and defend herself, but… Four couldn't help her worry. She had fallen to brainwashing once, she could risk it again… or maybe worse.

_If I went with her… I wouldn't have to be alone either._

_I want to be with team Chaos. I… would never be able to fit in with Order. There's too many things I find wrong with it. Even if it's riskier, I'm willing to. I can do good in Chaos… And that way, Callie won't be alone again, and I'll be able to protect her, too._

It finally clicked in Four's head. The whole Square became silent as she started to walk.

Everyone was rushing to the side, getting near the lobby with cheers of excitement, pushing each other around. Four avoided most of the crowd, going as fast as she could to the voting booth.

_“I want to protect the people around me. As an agent, it is… my duty."_

When she stopped in front of it, there wasn’t any hesitation in her mind as she registered for team Chaos.

_I will protect my friend while being in Chaos, too._

Her whole body felt lighter as the screen lit up with her choice.

Next to her, she heard someone make a little scream of glee. An inkling had just appeared as she was receiving her new Splatfest shirt. They held a weird fish-shaped helmet. “Take this!” They pushed it into her hands before running to the lobby, disappearing in the crowd.

It… didn’t look comfortable to wear. It was the gifted gear, right? With a slight doubt, she put it on her head… _Oh cod, the bones feel super weird._ In a way though, she was glad to be wearing it. And she had to show it to someone else, too.

Four tried to go back, but she realized with surprise that so many people tried to enter the lobby at once that going around was impossible. Far away, she heard both of the idols talking into their mic, signalling the start of the Final Fest. Ah, that’s why… The whole crowd was rushing inside.

She tried to find Callie, moving around as best as she could, until she saw her at the far end. She doubted she’d be able to join her there.

“Agent One!” she yelled. The other inkling looked up in confusion, searching for the provenance of the sound.

“Over here!” she screamed again, moving her arms. This time, she saw her, her yellow eyes surprised to see her.. Four quickly pointed to her headgear. “Wait for me in the lobby!”

Callie’s eyes shone when she realized Four was on her side. From afar, she still could clearly see happiness and relief in the idol’s eyes, who quickly nodded in answer.

It was enough to make Four happy about her decision.

However, she quickly felt burning stares into her back. She knew who she would face if she looked back at them. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to look over... She hadn’t told anyone, after all…

Yet, she still turned around.

She saw Marie, Eight, Cap’n Cuttlefish and Three stare at her from their place from afar. They were too far to talk to her, but their expressions told her more than she needed to know. Both Marie and Cuttlefish looked confused. _I’m not betraying you. I just need to fight my own battle, this time…_ Eight’s eyes were hidden behind her glasses, but the way her fists shook were betraying her thoughts. _I’m sorry, Eight. I wish I could have said it to you more properly._ Three was the calmest of all. _She already knew what I would choose._ The inkling simply faced her, and Four thought she saw the tiniest nod of acknowledgment. 

_Stay safe for me, you four… I love you all, but I need to go my own way for now._

She knew what she needed to do.

She took a long breath, just as the sounds around her came back. She heard cheers, screams, the music blasting from the speakers above, Pearl and Marina’s voice echoed through the Square, the whole city.

She turned around, for real this time, seeing Callie wait for her, and entered the lobby.

_“Play like the world depends on it!”_

✩🦑🐙✩

**Author's Note:**

> "You're gone but you're on my mind."
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I'm so happy I got to wrote this, I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did. I love my girls!  
> For the newcomers, I wrote a whole series of oneshots about the agents! You can find it in my other works.
> 
> For those knowing my agents for my oneshot series : this o-s wasn't made with the series in mind, and as such, I won't be counting it in!
> 
> Once again, thank you Kell for beta-reading my stuff, even if I make you read 19 pages at 9pm without warning you about how long it actually is
> 
> I plan to update this fic by adding small illustrations! It's on the way. In the meanwhile, you can find me on @mari_yuui on twitter (yes, the acc changed). I'm more of an artist than a writer, so I'll appreciate it a ton if you checked out my work!
> 
> I appreciate and answer every comment I get! Thank you for taking interest in my writing. Have a great day or night!


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